Goals

Major things that I hope to accomplish between now and the end of 2010, roughly in the order in which I'd like to do them:

1. Get pregnant.
2. Get a job.
3. Defend thesis.
4. Write thesis.
5. Graduate.
6. Travel to visit S's parents.
7. Start new job.
8. Buy new house.
9. Sell old house.

Some of these things need to happen in order:
Both thesis-related tasks need to happen before I can graduate.
I need to graduate before I can start a new job.
I need to start a job before I can buy a new house.
I need to buy a new house before I can sell my old house.

Thus, the general order is: (thesis stuff) --> (job stuff) --> (house stuff)
with the caveat that I should be looking for a new job sooner rather than later, so that part should really overlap the thesis stuff.

The trip to visit S's parents is likely going to happen over the summer, regardless of the state of the other things, but I'd prefer if it were after I defend my thesis but before I start a new job. We haven't seen S's parents since LL's birthday, which was almost 7 months ago, and that's waaaay too long between grandparent visits. If I had my way, LL would see each of his grandparents 3-4 times a year (preferably twice at our place and once at each of their places, with a fourth visit for each set of grandparents left as a wildcard). We hit that goal during LL's first year, but we're not on target to pull it off during year two, and that makes me sad. Admittedly, it hasn't been our fault; S's parents have had to cancel two separate planned trips because of S's dad's bad health (not horrible, nothing life-threatening, just annoying and persistent). But, if they can't travel to us, then we should get off our butts and go see them.

The first task on the list, getting pregnant, has no prerequisites or dependencies, but you know, I'd like for it to happen as soon as possible. Not that I have a whole lot of control over it. The obvious follow-up goal, giving birth to a baby, has been left off the list because it is no longer possible to do that in a healthy way during 2010. Sigh.

On the plus side, we actually have a viable cycle this month, so at least it's theoretically possible to achieve a pregnancy. My follicle scan this morning showed one follicle measuring at 18, so we did the trigger shot and have an IUI tomorrow morning. Woo hoo! I really don't think that I could have handled a third canceled cycle in a row, and this one wasn't looking that promising earlier in the week. (Today is cycle day 18; my body is slooooow these days at maturing eggs.) But, my right ovary came through in the end, so now we just wait.

Not helping: our entire household is sick. LL started it last Friday, when I got a mid-day call from daycare informing me that he woke up from his nap with a fever, cough, runny nose, lethargy, you name it. By Sunday evening, I was sick, too. S followed Monday morning. Since LL's fever was still going strong yesterday, we finally took him to the doctor, who diagnosed double ear infection, so he is now on his first ever course of antibiotics. S has turned the corner and is starting to feel better, but I'm still feeling more ill each day, and I feel so unbelievably awful that it's kind of hard to believe that I haven't hit bottom yet. Fun times.

I'm going to be home from work tomorrow yet again, after the IUI, then back on track with work next week, I hope.

Nine major life-changing goals, 8.5 months. A girl has to dream.

Double Fail

My one and only follicle on Tuesday measured in at 14mm, below the minimum 18mm needed to proceed with an IUI. They typically grow 1-2mm per day, so we gave it three days and came back today to check again. Know how big it was today? 14mm.

Stupid follicle. Stupid lazy ovary. Did I mention how much this sucks?

So, two possibilities. Either I actually ovulated yesterday, and the follicle grew really fast and then shrank again (unlikely, but Dr. M held it out there as a possibility) or the follicle just isn't growing (probably a bad egg). (And now I want to go rent The Bad Seed.) (My mind works in weird ways.) I'm going back for another ultrasound on Tuesday so that he can check whether it has grown (unlikely), shrunk (also unlikely), or just stayed approximately the same (that's where my money is). Based on how it looks, we'll figure out where to go next. Dr. M thinks that I could probably do one more clomid cycle, at the same dosage, based on the belief that everybody has bad cycles sometimes. He also mentioned maybe trying a cycle or two of femara instead, to see if I respond better. Or perhaps it's just time to move on to injectibles.

My hesitation with injectibles, by the way, isn't a fear of needles. S is scared of needles, but I'm not. I know that S won't be able to help me with injections, but I think that I'll be able to handle it myself just fine. I am a little annoyed with the added expense, but our insurance isn't too bad. My bigger concern is that I'll need to switch doctors. Dr. M is my ob/gyn; he's not an RE, though he does handle a lot of fertility patients for his practice. I've never doubted that I was in good hands with him, and I like him a lot. He helped us to have LL, in only three cycles. But, his office is not equipped to do the extra monitoring that's necessary with injectibles. They have too many patients to be able to handle all the extra monitoring appointments, and too few people with the expertise to make the little day-to-day adjustments that are common with injectibles. So Dr. M will be referring me elsewhere if we need to try a completely different treatment.

My biggest concern with injectibles is all that extra monitoring, especially since the appointments would have to be at a doctors office that is much further away. More frequent appointments that are far from both my home and my office? Not exactly what I want to be doing while finishing my thesis and looking for a job. If that's what it takes, then I'll do it. But I was hoping not to have to. Given today's news, though, it looks like that's where we're heading.

On the bright side (yeah, I'm stretching here to find a bright side), since we won't be doing an IUI tomorrow morning, we'll be able to leave on-time for our trip, so no need to come up with an excuse to tell our friends. I had a good one all figured out, too....

Egg On Its Way

The IUI was yesterday. Dr. M. had to use a tenaculum to "get traction" on my cervix, which, in addition to sounding rather disturbing, hurt like crazy and had me doubled up in pain (and spotting) for the rest of the afternoon. Last night, as I was going to bed, I felt a sudden, sharp pain from my left ovary, and this morning I can feel the "fullness" easing up, so I think that I might have actually felt myself ovulating. I'm still a little nauseous (from the trigger shot?) but feeling loads better than the past few days. Quite a relief, since maybe I'll be feeling close to normal by the time we leave for Christmas. In the mean time, nothing to do but down folic acid and wait.

Go, Little Follicle, Go!

My follicle scan today showed one mature follicle (19mm) so we did the trigger shot at 11am (last cycle, I barely noticed the shot, but this time it strung like crazy) and we have an IUI scheduled for 2:30 tomorrow. My uterine lining was a little on the skimpy side (7mm, putting it just outside the desired 8-13mm range, and I couldn't really see the three-striped pattern that we saw last cycle). Dr. M. said that it would probably be thick enough, but I worry sometimes that he just says that to try to paint a rosy picture. My web research seems to show that it's only a real problem if it's 6mm or lower, and it can still thicken after ovulation, since there are several days between ovulation and when the (hopefully fertilized) egg implants in the lining, so... I guess I have to cross my fingers and say "good enough."

Anyway, I'm a little disappointed that there was only one follicle (on my left side, like I couldn't have seen that coming), and I'm a little worried about the endometrial thickness, but overall not bad. Today is Cycle Day 14, so we're more on track of a "normal" length cycle, since the follicle matured several days earlier than last month. IUI tomorrow. Trigger shot should clear my system by December 25. Pregnancy test around December 30. So, we should know the result of the cycle by New Year's.

In the mean time, the hCG shot knocked me out for the day, took away all appetite, and made me fairly nauseous for the afternoon. By this evening, I was in a lot of pelvic pain, too. Another day of getting nothing done at work (kinda lucky I still have a job, at this point).

Okay, back to my regularly scheduled pelvic fullness....

Trigger!

At my follicle scan today, I definitely had one mature follicle (19mm) on the right ovary. We're not really sure what happened to the other two slightly smaller ones that we saw on Thursday. They could have just been hiding -- the ultrasound today was really painful again, particularly on the left side, like in the first cycle, so once Dr. M. confirmed the presence of the one mature follicle, he took an approach of "good enough to work with!" and stopped looking as hard for more. So, definitely one follicle, possibly two more. Got an hCG trigger shot at 3:45 this afternoon, and we're doing an IUI tomorrow morning at 10am. I'm thrilled to have made it to the point where we can even do this. Now, keeping fingers crossed that it actually works.

Also in the equation: my OPK this morning was positive, so I might be ovulating on my own anyway. I'm a little worried that I'll have already ovulated before the IUI (or even, that I already ovulated those other two missing follicles before the scan today) but hopefully the timing is still correct.

After dodging increasingly persistent calls from my brother, M., I finally talked to him again. (Started to feel guilty ignoring him....) They couldn't wait anymore, and told the immediate family about A.'s pregnancy. I listened to him explain everyone's excitement, and complain about A.'s morning sickness, before making up excuses to get off the phone again. Hopefully I've put in enough time to avoid him for a few more weeks, by which time, with any luck, I'll have news of my own....

Follicle Watch

I'm going to go out on a limb and say ... my follicles are still growing. I have been growing increasingly uncomfortable since Thursday evening or so. Yesterday, it was painful to button my jeans over my swollen pelvis (wow, that sounds kinda dramatic, doesn't it...). OPK says that I'm not ovulating yet, which for once is a good thing. The hope is that I hold out long enough to let the eggs mature in the follicles, then use an hCG trigger on Monday afternoon to "encourage" all 3 follicles to erupt at the same time, increasing our odds. Waiting until the trigger to ovulate also will mean that we can try an IUI Tuesday morning, which should increase our odds even more.

In the mean time, I'm massaging my bloated pelvis, willing myself not to complain about the discomfort and mentally encouraging my ovaries to keep up the good work.

Follicle Scan

Today was my Day 13 ultrasound. When I arrived for the appointment, I found out that Dr. M. was delayed in surgery, and they had moved my appointment to later in the day, but I wasn't home when they called to tell me. So, S. and I went out for a leisurely brunch (leisurely, but tense, because I was so nervous, and increasingly uncomfortable), hung out at home, then returned to the office.

As for the scan: my uterine lining is 10mm (ideal is between 8-12mm, so this is perfect) and shows the desired "striped" pattern. My right ovary has 2 growing follicles, one measuring 11mm and the other slightly smaller (maybe 10mm?). My left ovary has 1 follicle, which wasn't measured but it looked about the same size as the smaller one on the right, so probably 10mm also. The follicles are supposed to be closer to 16-18mm or more before they do a trigger shot, and they grow 1-2mm per day, so we scheduled another follicle scan for Monday. That's 4 days from now, so they should each grow 4-8mm more. The hope is that on Monday, I'll have 3 follicles measuring in the 14-19mm range (the bigger, the better). If they indeed grew by then, we'll do the trigger shot at that appointment, and then the IUI on Tuesday.

I asked about doing OPK testing at home, and Dr. M. said that he doesn't care. If I want to know, I can monitor myself, but it won't affect his treatment. That's a little odd to me, because if I were to ovulate on my own before Monday's appointment, I would need to know that so that S. and I can take advantage of it on our own. So, I'm going to keep up the testing.

That's the plan for the next several days. I'm definitely feeling that "pelvic fullness" now, and apparently I want it to intensify over the next few days, so I'm seeing some sweat pants in my future....

Ovulation Mystery

So... my ovulation test on Tuesday, just before my ultrasound, was an ambiguous positive. Starting a day or two before that, the left side of my pelvis was extremely swollen and painful. At the ultrasound, Dr. M. had a hard time finding my ovary on my left side (no problem with the right), then said that he saw it, but it had no follicles, and canceled the cycle. (I also told him about the bloating and uncomfortableness on my left side, and he brushed it aside.) Wednesday and Thursday, my left side continued to feel swollen and uncomfortable. Today: my BBT spiked, I've been feeling feverishly warm all day (like I usually do just after ovulation), and my pelvis suddenly feels 100% better.

I'm willing to bet good money that I just ovulated. I bet my left ovary was performing exactly as it was supposed to, but Dr. M. misread it somehow. I'm no doctor, but I think we just needlessly wasted this last cycle. I'm thrilled to be feeling better at last, but really annoyed that I don't fully know what happened, and that it may have been a mistake. I'm also kicking myself for not speaking up more at the appointment on Tuesday, to insist on an explanation for what was going on with my left ovary. Pathetic.

Nothing I can do about it now, though. If I did ovulate, it was probably yesterday, so we've already missed our window of opportunity. Once again, sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.