We had a bit of a scare on Tuesday. The ultrasound on Monday was uneventful, but apparently that was only because the tech isn't allowed to tell us anything. We had a regular 37-week appointment on Tuesday morning, and that was when Dr. M went over the actual results, which weren't that great. The ultrasound had been ordered just to assess Kermit's approximate size (weight and head circumference) so that we would know how likely we would be to succeed at a VBAC. But since they were looking around anyway, they took a bunch of other measurements, too.
The alarming one was something that I would never have even thought to be concerned about: amniotic fluid levels. According to Monday's ultrasound, there was shockingly little fluid. A horrifyingly dangerous low amount. Really bad. Dr. M explained the situation very calmly, then said that he wanted to verify the measurement himself before we did anything else. So, he did his own ultrasound, and ... my levels were completely normal. Above average, actually. He checked and re-checked just to be sure. And the change was so dramatic, with less than 24 hours between ultrasounds, that Dr. M says it is impossible for the condition to have corrected itself, it had to have been an erroneous reading to begin with. Still, to be on the safe side, he ordered me to dramatically cut back on my activity level for the rest of the pregnancy. Not bed rest, but he wants me sitting with my feet up, conserving energy and drinking as much water as I can stand, the majority of the time.
Dr. M also had me come back for an NST Tuesday afternoon, to verify that Kermit was still doing well. And he passed with flying colors, which would be nearly impossible if the measurements from Monday were at all accurate. So we all got to take a big sigh of relief. (Though we're still going to keep an eye on it, just to be sure.) (It also gave me the confidence to ignore the "rest with your feet up" thing, and I spent today frantically cleaning the house, because damn there's a lot of stuff that I want to finish before Kermit arrives, and apparently I am running out of time.)
Once Dr. M became convinced that the technician in Monday's ultrasound had to have made a mistake, he looked around and verified everything else as well. Which brings us to bad news number two. I've spent the last eight months convinced that, to succeed with a VBAC, I "only" needed to worry about going into labor spontaneously, progressing normally, and keeping Kermit from getting too big. Those were the ducks that needed to be in order. Know what I didn't consider? He's breech. And not a simple foot-first breech, where we'd still be able to try a vaginal delivery. Nope, my kiddo is transverse breech -- he's completely sideways. Impossible to deliver a baby that way.
There is a procedure that some doctors do, where they push on your stomach to sort of massage the baby into the desired head-down position, but it's a bit risky (and also has a fairly low success rate). Dr. M said that he would be hesitant to try it in someone who has had a previous c-section, and he absolutely would not do it in someone who has had a low amniotic fluid scare. Put those things together, and it becomes way too risky for him to try to turn the baby manually.
LL was breech for much of my pregnancy with him, and we started to worry about it around 32 weeks. But he had turned head down by 34 weeks, so we were fine. You really want the baby to be in position by 35 or 36 weeks, because after that, they start getting cramped enough that they don't have room to flip around anymore, and by 37 weeks, they're usually "stuck" in whatever orientation they're in. And here I am, past 37 weeks, with a transverse baby. It's still possible that he'll find a way to turn on his own, but the odds are dropping each day, so we are likely looking at a repeat c-section regardless of whether everything else goes my way or not.
Dr. M told me that if I do go into labor, every single conversation I have with a medical person other than him needs to start with the first words out of my mouth being, "This is a VBAC attempt, and as of Tuesday, the baby was transverse breech." He kept repeating that I was not allowed to say anything else until I was sure that they understood both of those things, because that particular combination would change everything else that happened from the moment I call the hospital to say that I might be in labor. No messing around. Which is kind of scary.
So... right now I'm 37w3d pregnant. My amniotic fluid levels might be periodically suspiciously low. My baby is stuck in a transverse breech position. He is measuring a bit big for his gestational age. That VBAC is fading more into fantasyland every day.
Showing posts with label procedures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label procedures. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
18
Conversation with Dr. M at one of my appointments last week:
Dr. M, walking into the exam room: So, this is Cycle Day 18, right?
Me: Yes it is.
Dr. M: Hey, you've got to be impressed that I remembered that it is Cycle Day 18 without even looking at your chart!
Me: Actually, yeah, I am impressed!
Dr. M: See, I have a lot of patients, but I always remember you. With me, you're not just a number!
Me: Um, except that "18" is a number.
In other news, I am still sick. When I realized that LL was totally better, S was obviously on the mend, yet I was still getting worse day by day, I went to see my doctor. Sinus infection. Worst one I've ever had. Hard to describe how awful I feel, especially since I always feel nauseous for several days after trigger shots, so I've got that on top of the cold and sinus infection. Lovely. I have now missed 6 days of work because of this stupid illness, and tomorrow is looking iffy. In the last two weeks, I have made six pots of soup, and I'm still not better. (For the record, they were: broccoli cheese, cabbage borscht, matzo ball, beef barley, split pea, and broccoli cheese again.)
In other other news, I meant to record that LL spoke his first sentence last month, where "sentence" is loosely defined as "two or more words that LL doesn't normally say together, said in a single breath." I was holding him, and he said, "Down, Mama!" Yes, my little boy had to wait 18 months to finally reach the cognitive development point where he could string together the words to turn to me at last and say, "Oh, for goodness sake, Mother, quit smothering me already and put me down!"
Dr. M, walking into the exam room: So, this is Cycle Day 18, right?
Me: Yes it is.
Dr. M: Hey, you've got to be impressed that I remembered that it is Cycle Day 18 without even looking at your chart!
Me: Actually, yeah, I am impressed!
Dr. M: See, I have a lot of patients, but I always remember you. With me, you're not just a number!
Me: Um, except that "18" is a number.
In other news, I am still sick. When I realized that LL was totally better, S was obviously on the mend, yet I was still getting worse day by day, I went to see my doctor. Sinus infection. Worst one I've ever had. Hard to describe how awful I feel, especially since I always feel nauseous for several days after trigger shots, so I've got that on top of the cold and sinus infection. Lovely. I have now missed 6 days of work because of this stupid illness, and tomorrow is looking iffy. In the last two weeks, I have made six pots of soup, and I'm still not better. (For the record, they were: broccoli cheese, cabbage borscht, matzo ball, beef barley, split pea, and broccoli cheese again.)
In other other news, I meant to record that LL spoke his first sentence last month, where "sentence" is loosely defined as "two or more words that LL doesn't normally say together, said in a single breath." I was holding him, and he said, "Down, Mama!" Yes, my little boy had to wait 18 months to finally reach the cognitive development point where he could string together the words to turn to me at last and say, "Oh, for goodness sake, Mother, quit smothering me already and put me down!"
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Goals
Major things that I hope to accomplish between now and the end of 2010, roughly in the order in which I'd like to do them:
1. Get pregnant.
2. Get a job.
3. Defend thesis.
4. Write thesis.
5. Graduate.
6. Travel to visit S's parents.
7. Start new job.
8. Buy new house.
9. Sell old house.
Some of these things need to happen in order:
Both thesis-related tasks need to happen before I can graduate.
I need to graduate before I can start a new job.
I need to start a job before I can buy a new house.
I need to buy a new house before I can sell my old house.
Thus, the general order is: (thesis stuff) --> (job stuff) --> (house stuff)
with the caveat that I should be looking for a new job sooner rather than later, so that part should really overlap the thesis stuff.
The trip to visit S's parents is likely going to happen over the summer, regardless of the state of the other things, but I'd prefer if it were after I defend my thesis but before I start a new job. We haven't seen S's parents since LL's birthday, which was almost 7 months ago, and that's waaaay too long between grandparent visits. If I had my way, LL would see each of his grandparents 3-4 times a year (preferably twice at our place and once at each of their places, with a fourth visit for each set of grandparents left as a wildcard). We hit that goal during LL's first year, but we're not on target to pull it off during year two, and that makes me sad. Admittedly, it hasn't been our fault; S's parents have had to cancel two separate planned trips because of S's dad's bad health (not horrible, nothing life-threatening, just annoying and persistent). But, if they can't travel to us, then we should get off our butts and go see them.
The first task on the list, getting pregnant, has no prerequisites or dependencies, but you know, I'd like for it to happen as soon as possible. Not that I have a whole lot of control over it. The obvious follow-up goal, giving birth to a baby, has been left off the list because it is no longer possible to do that in a healthy way during 2010. Sigh.
On the plus side, we actually have a viable cycle this month, so at least it's theoretically possible to achieve a pregnancy. My follicle scan this morning showed one follicle measuring at 18, so we did the trigger shot and have an IUI tomorrow morning. Woo hoo! I really don't think that I could have handled a third canceled cycle in a row, and this one wasn't looking that promising earlier in the week. (Today is cycle day 18; my body is slooooow these days at maturing eggs.) But, my right ovary came through in the end, so now we just wait.
Not helping: our entire household is sick. LL started it last Friday, when I got a mid-day call from daycare informing me that he woke up from his nap with a fever, cough, runny nose, lethargy, you name it. By Sunday evening, I was sick, too. S followed Monday morning. Since LL's fever was still going strong yesterday, we finally took him to the doctor, who diagnosed double ear infection, so he is now on his first ever course of antibiotics. S has turned the corner and is starting to feel better, but I'm still feeling more ill each day, and I feel so unbelievably awful that it's kind of hard to believe that I haven't hit bottom yet. Fun times.
I'm going to be home from work tomorrow yet again, after the IUI, then back on track with work next week, I hope.
Nine major life-changing goals, 8.5 months. A girl has to dream.
1. Get pregnant.
2. Get a job.
3. Defend thesis.
4. Write thesis.
5. Graduate.
6. Travel to visit S's parents.
7. Start new job.
8. Buy new house.
9. Sell old house.
Some of these things need to happen in order:
Both thesis-related tasks need to happen before I can graduate.
I need to graduate before I can start a new job.
I need to start a job before I can buy a new house.
I need to buy a new house before I can sell my old house.
Thus, the general order is: (thesis stuff) --> (job stuff) --> (house stuff)
with the caveat that I should be looking for a new job sooner rather than later, so that part should really overlap the thesis stuff.
The trip to visit S's parents is likely going to happen over the summer, regardless of the state of the other things, but I'd prefer if it were after I defend my thesis but before I start a new job. We haven't seen S's parents since LL's birthday, which was almost 7 months ago, and that's waaaay too long between grandparent visits. If I had my way, LL would see each of his grandparents 3-4 times a year (preferably twice at our place and once at each of their places, with a fourth visit for each set of grandparents left as a wildcard). We hit that goal during LL's first year, but we're not on target to pull it off during year two, and that makes me sad. Admittedly, it hasn't been our fault; S's parents have had to cancel two separate planned trips because of S's dad's bad health (not horrible, nothing life-threatening, just annoying and persistent). But, if they can't travel to us, then we should get off our butts and go see them.
The first task on the list, getting pregnant, has no prerequisites or dependencies, but you know, I'd like for it to happen as soon as possible. Not that I have a whole lot of control over it. The obvious follow-up goal, giving birth to a baby, has been left off the list because it is no longer possible to do that in a healthy way during 2010. Sigh.
On the plus side, we actually have a viable cycle this month, so at least it's theoretically possible to achieve a pregnancy. My follicle scan this morning showed one follicle measuring at 18, so we did the trigger shot and have an IUI tomorrow morning. Woo hoo! I really don't think that I could have handled a third canceled cycle in a row, and this one wasn't looking that promising earlier in the week. (Today is cycle day 18; my body is slooooow these days at maturing eggs.) But, my right ovary came through in the end, so now we just wait.
Not helping: our entire household is sick. LL started it last Friday, when I got a mid-day call from daycare informing me that he woke up from his nap with a fever, cough, runny nose, lethargy, you name it. By Sunday evening, I was sick, too. S followed Monday morning. Since LL's fever was still going strong yesterday, we finally took him to the doctor, who diagnosed double ear infection, so he is now on his first ever course of antibiotics. S has turned the corner and is starting to feel better, but I'm still feeling more ill each day, and I feel so unbelievably awful that it's kind of hard to believe that I haven't hit bottom yet. Fun times.
I'm going to be home from work tomorrow yet again, after the IUI, then back on track with work next week, I hope.
Nine major life-changing goals, 8.5 months. A girl has to dream.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Under Pressure
You may recall that, way back in January, I attempted a clomid cycle, but my ovaries didn't produce a single mature egg follicle. Were you wondering about all the silence on the fertility topic since then? That silence was the sound of me waiting for that stupid canceled cycle to just end already. I took progesterone pills, I waited, I waited some more, I got a progesterone shot, I waited, I waited some more... and my body finally decided to move on. Weeks and weeks of wasted time. (Along with lots and lots of wasted negative home pregnancy tests -- hope springs eternal, eh?) I finally started a new cycle, this time with 200 mg of clomid. Follicle scan was this morning. The result: only one follicle, not yet mature (only 14mm). We're giving it a few more days and coming back for another scan on Friday, we'll hopefully be able to trigger then, and then we'll do the IUI Saturday morning.
For the last two months, we've been planning a weekend away with three other families, and we're all supposed to be leaving Saturday morning. We were planning to caravan to our rented cabin all together, but the IUI Saturday morning means that we're going to have to leave about an hour after everyone else. And we can't tell them why, because none of our friends know that we've started fertility treatments again. Suggestions on what lie we can tell them to minimize questions are appreciated, because I'm kind of at a loss. Also, I get really nauseous for several days after trigger shots, so the car ride should be a ton of fun.
Thanks to last cycle's ridiculous length, we have a lot of added stress for this cycle, too. S's sister, H, recently got engaged. Her wedding is next March, in a different state. We would hate to miss her wedding because I'm too pregnant to travel. We would also hate to miss her wedding because we have a baby who is too young to travel. (Basically: we don't want to miss her wedding.) I know people whose siblings missed their wedding because of pregnancies, and I think it sucks. You only get married once, and you're usually able to give people an entire year or more of advance warning; is it really too much to ask for your one and only sibling to be available on that day? When I got engaged, I knew that my brother, M, was about to start trying for another baby (yep, he told me when they were going to start trying, which I think is a little icky), and I explicitly asked him to wait a few months so that they wouldn't have to miss the wedding. And they were totally okay with that. (My brother and sister-in-law are very very good at getting pregnant. They didn't want to be in the third trimester during my wedding, so they waited three months, and were 5+ months along at the wedding. I'm unbelievably jealous that they could time it however they liked.) Maybe it was selfish on my part to ask them to wait, but I wanted them to be at my wedding!
Now S and I are in a similar situation with H's wedding. And I haven't changed my thinking on this topic: even with the fertility problems, I think that it would be selfish of us to knowingly try to get pregnant at a time when we would have to miss the wedding if we succeeded.
We figure we'll be okay to travel with a new baby when he or she is about two months old. Our first airplane ride with LL was when he was a little over two months old, and it worked out just fine. Earlier than that would be a problem: our pediatrician doesn't recommend airplanes before six weeks, and it took me a full eight weeks to recover from my c-section anyway. In order to have a two-month-old at the time of the wedding, the baby would need to be born by early January, which requires a cycle that starts in early April of this year. Which is just a few weeks from now. If this cycle fails, and the next one starts on time, a pregnancy from that cycle would be due around New Year's, which would cutting it close but still okay. If this cycle goes long like the last one did, we'll have missed our window of opportunity. I don't think that I could fly in my third trimester while also taking care of a toddler, so I wouldn't want to be any more than 6 months pregnant next March. Which means not trying again until September.
So basically: we have this one cycle. Maybe maybe we have time for one more. After that, we will have to take a five month hiatus before we try again.
After today's mediocre follicle scan, S has already started to lobby for us to just continue trying regardless of the timing. My body's lackluster response to this high dose of medication is likely evidence that my fertility has noticeably declined in just the last two years, and it's not like I was super fertile before. He thinks that we'd be foolish to wait for five months, fearing that it will just get harder and harder to get pregnant, and waiting might mean that it never happens. Which is kind of hard to argue with, you know? But I don't know. I think that planning to miss H's wedding is kind of cruel. Especially since she has her heart set on LL being the ring bearer, which she excitedly talks about every single time we talk to her.
No pressure on this cycle or anything, eh?
For the last two months, we've been planning a weekend away with three other families, and we're all supposed to be leaving Saturday morning. We were planning to caravan to our rented cabin all together, but the IUI Saturday morning means that we're going to have to leave about an hour after everyone else. And we can't tell them why, because none of our friends know that we've started fertility treatments again. Suggestions on what lie we can tell them to minimize questions are appreciated, because I'm kind of at a loss. Also, I get really nauseous for several days after trigger shots, so the car ride should be a ton of fun.
Thanks to last cycle's ridiculous length, we have a lot of added stress for this cycle, too. S's sister, H, recently got engaged. Her wedding is next March, in a different state. We would hate to miss her wedding because I'm too pregnant to travel. We would also hate to miss her wedding because we have a baby who is too young to travel. (Basically: we don't want to miss her wedding.) I know people whose siblings missed their wedding because of pregnancies, and I think it sucks. You only get married once, and you're usually able to give people an entire year or more of advance warning; is it really too much to ask for your one and only sibling to be available on that day? When I got engaged, I knew that my brother, M, was about to start trying for another baby (yep, he told me when they were going to start trying, which I think is a little icky), and I explicitly asked him to wait a few months so that they wouldn't have to miss the wedding. And they were totally okay with that. (My brother and sister-in-law are very very good at getting pregnant. They didn't want to be in the third trimester during my wedding, so they waited three months, and were 5+ months along at the wedding. I'm unbelievably jealous that they could time it however they liked.) Maybe it was selfish on my part to ask them to wait, but I wanted them to be at my wedding!
Now S and I are in a similar situation with H's wedding. And I haven't changed my thinking on this topic: even with the fertility problems, I think that it would be selfish of us to knowingly try to get pregnant at a time when we would have to miss the wedding if we succeeded.
We figure we'll be okay to travel with a new baby when he or she is about two months old. Our first airplane ride with LL was when he was a little over two months old, and it worked out just fine. Earlier than that would be a problem: our pediatrician doesn't recommend airplanes before six weeks, and it took me a full eight weeks to recover from my c-section anyway. In order to have a two-month-old at the time of the wedding, the baby would need to be born by early January, which requires a cycle that starts in early April of this year. Which is just a few weeks from now. If this cycle fails, and the next one starts on time, a pregnancy from that cycle would be due around New Year's, which would cutting it close but still okay. If this cycle goes long like the last one did, we'll have missed our window of opportunity. I don't think that I could fly in my third trimester while also taking care of a toddler, so I wouldn't want to be any more than 6 months pregnant next March. Which means not trying again until September.
So basically: we have this one cycle. Maybe maybe we have time for one more. After that, we will have to take a five month hiatus before we try again.
After today's mediocre follicle scan, S has already started to lobby for us to just continue trying regardless of the timing. My body's lackluster response to this high dose of medication is likely evidence that my fertility has noticeably declined in just the last two years, and it's not like I was super fertile before. He thinks that we'd be foolish to wait for five months, fearing that it will just get harder and harder to get pregnant, and waiting might mean that it never happens. Which is kind of hard to argue with, you know? But I don't know. I think that planning to miss H's wedding is kind of cruel. Especially since she has her heart set on LL being the ring bearer, which she excitedly talks about every single time we talk to her.
No pressure on this cycle or anything, eh?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Fail
First, a brief overview of my fertility treatments the first time around:
1. More than two years of trying on our own. My cycles are really wonky.
2. 50 mg of clomid. My body doesn't even notice. No follicles worth mentioning. Cycle canceled.
3. 100 mg of clomid. Maximum dose recommended by the pharmaceutical company. My ovaries have a tepid response, one little borderline follicle that needs an extra week to mature.
4. 150 mg of clomid. My body nearly explodes from all that excess estrogen, but my ovaries produce exactly one mature follicle. This is known as "exactly the response we want!" Yay! The result: LL (nine months later).
So, now we want a second kid. The obvious place to start: 150 mg of clomid.
The response we expect: another textbook response, with one mature follicle.
The response that I secretly both hoped and feared: having been through a successful pregnancy and months of breast feeding, my body has been kicked around enough that it recognizes how it's supposed to react to hormones, and totally overreacts to the gigantic excess of estrogen from such a high dose of clomid, thereby producing so many follicles that I am both pleased (because my body is doing the right thing) and a little ticked off (because we have to cancel this cycle, since I have no desire to become an octomom).
The response that actually happened, as discovered during yesterday's follicle scan: no follicles worth mentioning. Cycle canceled because, you know, you need eggs to get pregnant.
Next cycle, we're moving to 200 mg of clomid, which is a frighteningly high dose. If I don't manage to produce any mature follicles at that dose, we'll need to move on to injectibles. Damn it.
Somehow, I had prepared myself for too many follicles, and I had prepared myself for not actually getting pregnant, but I hadn't prepared myself for not responding to the meds. Really didn't see this coming.
1. More than two years of trying on our own. My cycles are really wonky.
2. 50 mg of clomid. My body doesn't even notice. No follicles worth mentioning. Cycle canceled.
3. 100 mg of clomid. Maximum dose recommended by the pharmaceutical company. My ovaries have a tepid response, one little borderline follicle that needs an extra week to mature.
4. 150 mg of clomid. My body nearly explodes from all that excess estrogen, but my ovaries produce exactly one mature follicle. This is known as "exactly the response we want!" Yay! The result: LL (nine months later).
So, now we want a second kid. The obvious place to start: 150 mg of clomid.
The response we expect: another textbook response, with one mature follicle.
The response that I secretly both hoped and feared: having been through a successful pregnancy and months of breast feeding, my body has been kicked around enough that it recognizes how it's supposed to react to hormones, and totally overreacts to the gigantic excess of estrogen from such a high dose of clomid, thereby producing so many follicles that I am both pleased (because my body is doing the right thing) and a little ticked off (because we have to cancel this cycle, since I have no desire to become an octomom).
The response that actually happened, as discovered during yesterday's follicle scan: no follicles worth mentioning. Cycle canceled because, you know, you need eggs to get pregnant.
Next cycle, we're moving to 200 mg of clomid, which is a frighteningly high dose. If I don't manage to produce any mature follicles at that dose, we'll need to move on to injectibles. Damn it.
Somehow, I had prepared myself for too many follicles, and I had prepared myself for not actually getting pregnant, but I hadn't prepared myself for not responding to the meds. Really didn't see this coming.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
It Begins Again (Almost)
Know what I picked up yesterday? A prescription for Clomid. I'm not planning on starting a medicated cycle until mid-January at the earliest, but Dr. M called it in to the pharmacy now so that I can start it whenever I like. I just pop a pill, call his office to schedule the necessary monitoring appointments, and we're off.
I'm both excited and totally freaked out about it.
S saw the prescription and just shuddered. He's excited about having another child (and he's even more excited about trying to get me pregnant, silly man!) but he's quite possibly even more nervous than I am about the whole doped-up-on-hormones thing. I was quite the emotional freak show the first time I took fertility meds, and neither one of us is looking forward to doing it while we also have a gazillion other things on our plate. (But then, we had a gazillion things on our plate the first time, too, not the least of which was that S was recovering from surgery and going through a ton of physical therapy, which isn't true this time around, so at least that's something.)
Complicating things a bit: LL is suddenly very possessive of me. It's as if he can sense that we're trying to create some competition for him, and he wants to make clear that he, and only he, is the center of my life. If S and I hug in front of LL, he inevitably comes over to us and inserts himself between us, pushing S away from me and hugging me himself. S tried giving me a back rub this weekend, and LL kept pushing S's hands away from me, then patting my back with his own hands. It's really very cute, but the more it happens, the more I worry about how he'll react to a baby sibling.
S and I babysat on Sunday for our friends' daughter, partially as a favor to them, but with the additional motivation of watching what LL would do as we cared for another child. The baby is eight months old and immobile, so it helped that LL could just move away from her if he wanted some space. At first, S and I sat on the floor beside the baby, and LL crawled around us. He played with toys, he handed toys to the baby, he asked us to read books, he handed books to the baby... all was well. He behaved perfectly, and didn't even mind sharing his toys. (It helps that the baby brought one of her own toys, and LL thought it was the most awesome toy he had ever seen, and she let him play with it.) When I picked up the baby to go change her diaper, though, LL got a little suspicious and crawled after us. (It probably didn't help that I was using his changing table, in his room.) He watched us very closely the whole time. But, he was ultimately okay with it, and returned to his play.
Then I put the baby in LL's high chair to feed her dinner. And LL freaked out. We're not sure if it was the fact that she was in his chair, or the fact that she was getting food and he wasn't, or the fact that his mommy was the one feeding her. Whatever it was, LL decided that he had been patient long enough, but now things had gone too far. He grabbed onto my legs, he shrieked and whined, he tried to physically pull me away from the baby. I kept talking to him, and leaning down to give him kisses and hugs between feeding spoonfuls of banana and oatmeal to the baby, but he just got more and more upset. Eventually, S picked him up and took him to his room. Once he was behind closed doors with S, with me and the baby out of sight, he calmed down. And after the baby's dinner, when I carried her into his room to let them know that we were done, he seemed fine. Except that he later refused to eat his own dinner at first, rejecting every food we offered to him, while staring suspiciously at the baby sitting on the ground playing with his toys.
Part of me knows that this wasn't exactly a fair test. If we are lucky enough to get pregnant again, we'll have time to prepare LL for the new addition, rather than having a baby just appear at our house one day. LL will also be at least 9 months older by then, and better able to understand things that we tell him. The baby would have its own "stuff," at least during the first several newborn months, so LL wouldn't have to share his toys so much right away. LL would have time to get to know a new baby from the start, when the baby is a lump and there are other people to play with, so he might not view a new baby as "competition" until after s/he has been around for a while.
Still... it seems that we should really start interacting with more children, so that LL can get used to seeing us around other children.
Also, it was hard, but I thought that S and I handled it very well ourselves. We watched both kids, got them both fed, did several loads of laundry, and cooked dinner without too much hassle. There was one moment when S was clearing a clog in the washing machine and I was holding the baby while trying to wash potatoes and LL was in his high chair screaming because he was done with his raspberries and wanted his next course right now... and S called from the laundry room, "You know what? Let's only have one kid!" But you know, overall, it went well.
I'm both excited and totally freaked out about it.
S saw the prescription and just shuddered. He's excited about having another child (and he's even more excited about trying to get me pregnant, silly man!) but he's quite possibly even more nervous than I am about the whole doped-up-on-hormones thing. I was quite the emotional freak show the first time I took fertility meds, and neither one of us is looking forward to doing it while we also have a gazillion other things on our plate. (But then, we had a gazillion things on our plate the first time, too, not the least of which was that S was recovering from surgery and going through a ton of physical therapy, which isn't true this time around, so at least that's something.)
Complicating things a bit: LL is suddenly very possessive of me. It's as if he can sense that we're trying to create some competition for him, and he wants to make clear that he, and only he, is the center of my life. If S and I hug in front of LL, he inevitably comes over to us and inserts himself between us, pushing S away from me and hugging me himself. S tried giving me a back rub this weekend, and LL kept pushing S's hands away from me, then patting my back with his own hands. It's really very cute, but the more it happens, the more I worry about how he'll react to a baby sibling.
S and I babysat on Sunday for our friends' daughter, partially as a favor to them, but with the additional motivation of watching what LL would do as we cared for another child. The baby is eight months old and immobile, so it helped that LL could just move away from her if he wanted some space. At first, S and I sat on the floor beside the baby, and LL crawled around us. He played with toys, he handed toys to the baby, he asked us to read books, he handed books to the baby... all was well. He behaved perfectly, and didn't even mind sharing his toys. (It helps that the baby brought one of her own toys, and LL thought it was the most awesome toy he had ever seen, and she let him play with it.) When I picked up the baby to go change her diaper, though, LL got a little suspicious and crawled after us. (It probably didn't help that I was using his changing table, in his room.) He watched us very closely the whole time. But, he was ultimately okay with it, and returned to his play.
Then I put the baby in LL's high chair to feed her dinner. And LL freaked out. We're not sure if it was the fact that she was in his chair, or the fact that she was getting food and he wasn't, or the fact that his mommy was the one feeding her. Whatever it was, LL decided that he had been patient long enough, but now things had gone too far. He grabbed onto my legs, he shrieked and whined, he tried to physically pull me away from the baby. I kept talking to him, and leaning down to give him kisses and hugs between feeding spoonfuls of banana and oatmeal to the baby, but he just got more and more upset. Eventually, S picked him up and took him to his room. Once he was behind closed doors with S, with me and the baby out of sight, he calmed down. And after the baby's dinner, when I carried her into his room to let them know that we were done, he seemed fine. Except that he later refused to eat his own dinner at first, rejecting every food we offered to him, while staring suspiciously at the baby sitting on the ground playing with his toys.
Part of me knows that this wasn't exactly a fair test. If we are lucky enough to get pregnant again, we'll have time to prepare LL for the new addition, rather than having a baby just appear at our house one day. LL will also be at least 9 months older by then, and better able to understand things that we tell him. The baby would have its own "stuff," at least during the first several newborn months, so LL wouldn't have to share his toys so much right away. LL would have time to get to know a new baby from the start, when the baby is a lump and there are other people to play with, so he might not view a new baby as "competition" until after s/he has been around for a while.
Still... it seems that we should really start interacting with more children, so that LL can get used to seeing us around other children.
Also, it was hard, but I thought that S and I handled it very well ourselves. We watched both kids, got them both fed, did several loads of laundry, and cooked dinner without too much hassle. There was one moment when S was clearing a clog in the washing machine and I was holding the baby while trying to wash potatoes and LL was in his high chair screaming because he was done with his raspberries and wanted his next course right now... and S called from the laundry room, "You know what? Let's only have one kid!" But you know, overall, it went well.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Deadline Extended
S and I have been having a lot of discussions over the last few days about labor induction. I'm not thrilled with the idea of being induced, but I didn't realize until yesterday how totally terrified S is of the idea. Hard to define why... it just freaks him out. So, we talked to Dr. M this morning, and we've pushed back the induction two days. New plan: NST on Monday, to make sure that everything is really truly okay. If so, we'll wait until Thursday for the induction, at which point I'll be at 41w2d, or 9 days past my due date. I'm not thrilled with waiting that long (Dr. M was supportive, but also tossed around the phrase "fetal distress," which is hardly comforting) but S was so incredibly stressed at the thought of inducing too early that this seems like the best plan for us. So, baby Barack's new eviction date is September 18. If he wants to hand-pick his own birthday, he has to do it before then.
As for me... I'm fairly certain that Barack dropped further into my pelvis yesterday afternoon, because I'm suddenly feeling him somewhere between my knees whenever I stand or walk. Sharp downward pains whenever I move. Walking any distance more than the length of our house is now difficult enough that I'm essentially under house arrest. Bored bored bored. The phone calls and emails asking "Where's the baby?!?!", which I thought were kind of funny two weeks ago, are now just pissing me off, so I've stopped answering the phone. I don't remember ever feeling this anxious and uncomfortable ever in my life. But I also have not had a single real contraction that I'm aware of, other than some extremely light tightening feelings that are probably Braxton-Hicks contractions, because they're not painful at all.
Six more days of this, at the most. But please please please let me go into labor before then.
As for me... I'm fairly certain that Barack dropped further into my pelvis yesterday afternoon, because I'm suddenly feeling him somewhere between my knees whenever I stand or walk. Sharp downward pains whenever I move. Walking any distance more than the length of our house is now difficult enough that I'm essentially under house arrest. Bored bored bored. The phone calls and emails asking "Where's the baby?!?!", which I thought were kind of funny two weeks ago, are now just pissing me off, so I've stopped answering the phone. I don't remember ever feeling this anxious and uncomfortable ever in my life. But I also have not had a single real contraction that I'm aware of, other than some extremely light tightening feelings that are probably Braxton-Hicks contractions, because they're not painful at all.
Six more days of this, at the most. But please please please let me go into labor before then.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Semi-Panic
Only semi-panic because I wasn't the one panicking -- it was everyone else around me. (How's that for a change?!) The reason? Those damn rolling balls of light. Holy cow, please let this be the last time that I have something to say on this topic.
The quick recap: I've had migraines since I was 19. I usually get 1-2 migraines each month. Very few of them (maybe once each year) are "mildly classic migraines" which means that, a few hours before the headache, I get visual disturbances ("auras"), usually opaque blobs of color floating across my vision. During my first trimester, I had zero migraines. Woo hoo! Several weeks ago, they returned, but noticeably different than usual. For one, they're suddenly much more frequent, averaging ~4 each week (yep, that's a frequency of every other day). And second, the visual disturbances are happening several times a day, every day, in the form of little rolling balls of light on the periphery of my vision.
I fully believe (and several commentors on an earlier post agree) that the balls of light are migraine auras, accompanying my newly frequent migraines. But, just to be sure, I mentioned it to my doctor at my last appointment. After consulting with every obstetrician in the office that day, and a few that weren't, my doctor concluded that it was nothing wrong with the pregnancy, it was probably migraines, but I should see my general practitioner to rule out any neurological problems.
My general practitioner ran every neurological test she could think of that wouldn't involve irradiating my baby (though S did mention that having little Barack born with super powers, like Spiderman, might be kinda cool). Her conclusion: I'm totally fine neurologically. It's probably migraines. (There's a worthless copay I'm never getting back.) But then she adds this: it's also completely consistent with a partially detached retina. I need to make an appointment with my eye doctor ASAP, but whatever I do, do not let them dilate my eyes. (See previous notes about not doing things that will kill the baby.) At this point, everyone in my family panicked, convinced that I was going blind. (Everyone except me, that is -- see previous point that it's probably just migraines.)
Okay, appointment made with eye doctor. Appointment then moved up when eye doctor calls back in a panic to say, "OMG -- you DO probably have a detached retina! Someone needs to see you as fast as humanly possible!!!"
So, I end up seeing an eye doctor I've never met before, because she had the earliest open slot. She notes all of my symptoms, does a full exam, and then gives me the news. Actually, it's probably not a detached retina, it's probably migraines. (Duh.) My symptoms aren't as consistent as originally thought, because the ball of light wouldn't be moving, I'd see it just about all the time, and (most importantly) it would be accompanied by vision loss. Also, she examined the 90% of my retina that she's able to see without dilating, and everything looks healthy.
Now, the fun part: she's not ready to let me go, though, until she's looked at the last 10% of my retina, just to be sure. So ... (you saw this coming, right?) she wants to dilate my eyes. And I refuse. And we argue. A lot. The decision seemed really obvious to me: if it is a detached retina, then any vision loss could become permanent, but since I don't HAVE any vision loss, there's no risk to waiting. Combine that with the inconsistency of the symptoms and the 90% already OK'ed, and it really just doesn't seem worth the risk to my baby.
Ultimately, I signed a release saying that I'm going against strong doctor's orders, and if I go blind, I won't blame them. (I will, obviously, blame Barack.)
So. It's migraines. Shocking, eh?
The quick recap: I've had migraines since I was 19. I usually get 1-2 migraines each month. Very few of them (maybe once each year) are "mildly classic migraines" which means that, a few hours before the headache, I get visual disturbances ("auras"), usually opaque blobs of color floating across my vision. During my first trimester, I had zero migraines. Woo hoo! Several weeks ago, they returned, but noticeably different than usual. For one, they're suddenly much more frequent, averaging ~4 each week (yep, that's a frequency of every other day). And second, the visual disturbances are happening several times a day, every day, in the form of little rolling balls of light on the periphery of my vision.
I fully believe (and several commentors on an earlier post agree) that the balls of light are migraine auras, accompanying my newly frequent migraines. But, just to be sure, I mentioned it to my doctor at my last appointment. After consulting with every obstetrician in the office that day, and a few that weren't, my doctor concluded that it was nothing wrong with the pregnancy, it was probably migraines, but I should see my general practitioner to rule out any neurological problems.
My general practitioner ran every neurological test she could think of that wouldn't involve irradiating my baby (though S did mention that having little Barack born with super powers, like Spiderman, might be kinda cool). Her conclusion: I'm totally fine neurologically. It's probably migraines. (There's a worthless copay I'm never getting back.) But then she adds this: it's also completely consistent with a partially detached retina. I need to make an appointment with my eye doctor ASAP, but whatever I do, do not let them dilate my eyes. (See previous notes about not doing things that will kill the baby.) At this point, everyone in my family panicked, convinced that I was going blind. (Everyone except me, that is -- see previous point that it's probably just migraines.)
Okay, appointment made with eye doctor. Appointment then moved up when eye doctor calls back in a panic to say, "OMG -- you DO probably have a detached retina! Someone needs to see you as fast as humanly possible!!!"
So, I end up seeing an eye doctor I've never met before, because she had the earliest open slot. She notes all of my symptoms, does a full exam, and then gives me the news. Actually, it's probably not a detached retina, it's probably migraines. (Duh.) My symptoms aren't as consistent as originally thought, because the ball of light wouldn't be moving, I'd see it just about all the time, and (most importantly) it would be accompanied by vision loss. Also, she examined the 90% of my retina that she's able to see without dilating, and everything looks healthy.
Now, the fun part: she's not ready to let me go, though, until she's looked at the last 10% of my retina, just to be sure. So ... (you saw this coming, right?) she wants to dilate my eyes. And I refuse. And we argue. A lot. The decision seemed really obvious to me: if it is a detached retina, then any vision loss could become permanent, but since I don't HAVE any vision loss, there's no risk to waiting. Combine that with the inconsistency of the symptoms and the 90% already OK'ed, and it really just doesn't seem worth the risk to my baby.
Ultimately, I signed a release saying that I'm going against strong doctor's orders, and if I go blind, I won't blame them. (I will, obviously, blame Barack.)
So. It's migraines. Shocking, eh?
Monday, March 3, 2008
More reassurance
Our nuchal translucency exam was this morning, and things are looking good. We won't know anything for sure for about a week (not that any of the results from these things are "for sure") because they need to wait for the blood test results from the lab, but just based on the ultrasound measurements, things look normal.
This was by far the longest ultrasound we've had, and little Barack put on quite a show for us. ("Barack" is our temp name for the in-utero baby... there is a story, but it's not really worth going into. And no, there's zero chance that we'll actually name the baby Barack.) The first several measurements were easy to do, and we got to watch Barack kick its legs around a little and wave its hands. We even got a cool close-up of its foot. For the last few measurements, the baby absolutely refused to cooperate (though the tech did, eventually, manage to get them done). The ultrasound picture was almost where it needed to be when suddenly Barack flipped completely away in the wrong direction. I swear I saw it stick its tongue out at us over its shoulder as it turned away. The tech kept stopping to randomly prod my abdomen with the wand in an attempt to get the baby to move, and after the first few times, Barack honestly just seemed pissed off. I didn't think that you could recognize annoyance over ultrasound, but there it was. I believe that I had my first protective mother instinct right then, too, as I had to keep myself from turning to the tech and saying, "Dude! Leave him alone already!" For the rest of the time, the baby kept its hands protectively around its face, I believe in a fetus's attempt to stick its thumbs in its ears, wiggle its fingers, and say "Nah nah nah nah! Can't catch me!"
We have a friend who found out the sex of the baby at their NT scan, so we asked the tech if he could tell. My heart skipped a beat when he replied, "Yes, it's a boy" but he rather quickly followed it up with, "... or a girl. It's usually one or the other" and then told us it was too early to tell. So, we'll have to wait for the normal Level 2 ultrasound at 19 weeks. I don't think that I particularly want one gender over the other, but I have been having a strong feeling that it's a girl.
This was by far the longest ultrasound we've had, and little Barack put on quite a show for us. ("Barack" is our temp name for the in-utero baby... there is a story, but it's not really worth going into. And no, there's zero chance that we'll actually name the baby Barack.) The first several measurements were easy to do, and we got to watch Barack kick its legs around a little and wave its hands. We even got a cool close-up of its foot. For the last few measurements, the baby absolutely refused to cooperate (though the tech did, eventually, manage to get them done). The ultrasound picture was almost where it needed to be when suddenly Barack flipped completely away in the wrong direction. I swear I saw it stick its tongue out at us over its shoulder as it turned away. The tech kept stopping to randomly prod my abdomen with the wand in an attempt to get the baby to move, and after the first few times, Barack honestly just seemed pissed off. I didn't think that you could recognize annoyance over ultrasound, but there it was. I believe that I had my first protective mother instinct right then, too, as I had to keep myself from turning to the tech and saying, "Dude! Leave him alone already!" For the rest of the time, the baby kept its hands protectively around its face, I believe in a fetus's attempt to stick its thumbs in its ears, wiggle its fingers, and say "Nah nah nah nah! Can't catch me!"
We have a friend who found out the sex of the baby at their NT scan, so we asked the tech if he could tell. My heart skipped a beat when he replied, "Yes, it's a boy" but he rather quickly followed it up with, "... or a girl. It's usually one or the other" and then told us it was too early to tell. So, we'll have to wait for the normal Level 2 ultrasound at 19 weeks. I don't think that I particularly want one gender over the other, but I have been having a strong feeling that it's a girl.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Testing
I had a round of testing yesterday, which included the initial glucose screening. As I understand it, this screening is a bit easier and more pleasant than the more serious glucose tolerance test. It involved drinking 10oz of, basically, really bad orange soda, on an almost empty stomach, waiting around for an hour, then having blood drawn. I had to have blood drawn for many, many other tests yesterday as well, so they ended up taking 12 vials (yes, that's right, an even dozen). Other than when I've donated blood (which involved lounging on a couch with my feet up, then being fed ice cream, as opposed to yesterday, which involved an uncomfortable chair that I was immediately thrown out of and sent on my way) I don't think that I've ever given up that much blood at once. There was also the uncomfortable several minutes when the tech refused to draw blood for several of the tests that Dr. M. requested, because she wasn't sure what the tests were, and didn't want to bother finding out.
Tech: "I don't know what this says."
Me: "It says 'Tay-Sachs mutation carrier.'"
Tech: "I don't know what that is, so I'm not going to do it."
Me: "It's a fairly common genetic test. Can't you just draw blood for it and look it up later?"
Tech: "Um... nah. I think instead we just won't do it."
Me: "But, I really need it done, and my doctor requested it."
Tech: "I doubt that, because I've never heard of it."
Me: stunned disbelief....
I argued with her a bit more, and one of the other techs eventually came over to see what was going on, and went and looked it up and told her that he would run the tests for her. The tests in question are a series of 4 genetic tests that Dr. M. ordered, because my Ashkenazi background puts me in a high risk group. Now, I realize that there aren't a whole lot of Jews living in this area (that is certainly not news to me) but seriously? You're a blood tech and you haven't heard of the genetic screening for Tay-Sachs? I'm not the only Jewish woman around here! (Though honestly, the whole thing is probably moot. S. is not of Ashkenazi descent, and for all of the things I was tested for, S. and I would both have to be carriers for my carrier status to matter at all, so the odds are incredibly slim. Not to mention, if anyone in my family were a carrier, I would think that I would have heard about it by now.)
Anyway, this round of testing is done. The only thing that I'm worried about at all is the glucose test, because damn, getting gestational diabetes this early in the pregnancy would suck. As would having to take the tolerance test as a follow-up, since it involves true fasting before hand, twice as much bad orange soda, and several additional blood draws over the course of 3 hours of sitting around the lab. Just what a nauseous woman wants!
Also on the topic of testing... we need to decide by our next appointment what screening tests we want to do (eg, triple screen and the high-resolution ultrasound for Downs, Trisomy 18, etc.). S's view: these tests have zero risk associated with them (an ultrasound and a blood draw), and they give us information, so we should just do them. My view: the tests themselves have no immediate risk, but both tests have an enormously high false positive rate, which means that the results may send us into a panic, and require not-so-low-risk follow-up tests (eg, amniocentesis), even though everything is almost definitely fine, since we are already in such a low risk group for any of these conditions.
On the false positive rates: 5% of women will get abnormal screen results. Of those women, only 2% of them actually have a problem. So, if 1,000 women take the test, 50 of them will get abnormal results, but only 1 of them actually has a problem, leaving the other 49 in several weeks of panic and follow-up tests for no reason.
S argues that yes, that false positive rate sucks, but honestly, we'll probably be among the 950 women who test normally from the start, at which point we can be happily soothed that nothing is wrong. Which seems very reasonable. Now.
Tech: "I don't know what this says."
Me: "It says 'Tay-Sachs mutation carrier.'"
Tech: "I don't know what that is, so I'm not going to do it."
Me: "It's a fairly common genetic test. Can't you just draw blood for it and look it up later?"
Tech: "Um... nah. I think instead we just won't do it."
Me: "But, I really need it done, and my doctor requested it."
Tech: "I doubt that, because I've never heard of it."
Me: stunned disbelief....
I argued with her a bit more, and one of the other techs eventually came over to see what was going on, and went and looked it up and told her that he would run the tests for her. The tests in question are a series of 4 genetic tests that Dr. M. ordered, because my Ashkenazi background puts me in a high risk group. Now, I realize that there aren't a whole lot of Jews living in this area (that is certainly not news to me) but seriously? You're a blood tech and you haven't heard of the genetic screening for Tay-Sachs? I'm not the only Jewish woman around here! (Though honestly, the whole thing is probably moot. S. is not of Ashkenazi descent, and for all of the things I was tested for, S. and I would both have to be carriers for my carrier status to matter at all, so the odds are incredibly slim. Not to mention, if anyone in my family were a carrier, I would think that I would have heard about it by now.)
Anyway, this round of testing is done. The only thing that I'm worried about at all is the glucose test, because damn, getting gestational diabetes this early in the pregnancy would suck. As would having to take the tolerance test as a follow-up, since it involves true fasting before hand, twice as much bad orange soda, and several additional blood draws over the course of 3 hours of sitting around the lab. Just what a nauseous woman wants!
Also on the topic of testing... we need to decide by our next appointment what screening tests we want to do (eg, triple screen and the high-resolution ultrasound for Downs, Trisomy 18, etc.). S's view: these tests have zero risk associated with them (an ultrasound and a blood draw), and they give us information, so we should just do them. My view: the tests themselves have no immediate risk, but both tests have an enormously high false positive rate, which means that the results may send us into a panic, and require not-so-low-risk follow-up tests (eg, amniocentesis), even though everything is almost definitely fine, since we are already in such a low risk group for any of these conditions.
On the false positive rates: 5% of women will get abnormal screen results. Of those women, only 2% of them actually have a problem. So, if 1,000 women take the test, 50 of them will get abnormal results, but only 1 of them actually has a problem, leaving the other 49 in several weeks of panic and follow-up tests for no reason.
S argues that yes, that false positive rate sucks, but honestly, we'll probably be among the 950 women who test normally from the start, at which point we can be happily soothed that nothing is wrong. Which seems very reasonable. Now.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Egg On Its Way
The IUI was yesterday. Dr. M. had to use a tenaculum to "get traction" on my cervix, which, in addition to sounding rather disturbing, hurt like crazy and had me doubled up in pain (and spotting) for the rest of the afternoon. Last night, as I was going to bed, I felt a sudden, sharp pain from my left ovary, and this morning I can feel the "fullness" easing up, so I think that I might have actually felt myself ovulating. I'm still a little nauseous (from the trigger shot?) but feeling loads better than the past few days. Quite a relief, since maybe I'll be feeling close to normal by the time we leave for Christmas. In the mean time, nothing to do but down folic acid and wait.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
hCG Clear
I took a HPT this morning, which was negative, so I can be reasonably sure that the hCG trigger shot from last week has cleared my system. This means that when I'm ready to really test myself early next week, I can be reasonably sure that a positive result actually means something. So, one more week of waiting.
Today I also had blood drawn for a mid-luteal-phase progesterone level test. I was anxious about the results, since I've had short luteal phases before, but B. at Dr. M.'s office called late this afternoon to say that everything was fine. (She actually just said that my progesterone was elevated, so I definitely ovulated, but I already knew that much... I wanted to know whether it was elevated enough, which I guess is an assumed "yes".)
In other news, on and off I've been feeling vaguely nauseous all day. It's too early in the 2ww for it to be morning sickness, so it's probably all in my head, but still... what's up with that?
Today I also had blood drawn for a mid-luteal-phase progesterone level test. I was anxious about the results, since I've had short luteal phases before, but B. at Dr. M.'s office called late this afternoon to say that everything was fine. (She actually just said that my progesterone was elevated, so I definitely ovulated, but I already knew that much... I wanted to know whether it was elevated enough, which I guess is an assumed "yes".)
In other news, on and off I've been feeling vaguely nauseous all day. It's too early in the 2ww for it to be morning sickness, so it's probably all in my head, but still... what's up with that?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
IUI!
We made it to an IUI! Woo hoo!
S. did his part this morning, we waited in the coffeeshop while they spun and washed his "deliverable," then did the procedure. Dr. M. had to use the large speculum in order to see my cervix, and then kept pushing it as far as he could, which was uncomfortable, but just like a bad pap smear. Inserting the catheter though my cervix, which is the part I was nervous about, didn't actually hurt at all (couldn't even feel it). We hung out with my hips elevated for 15 minutes, then came home to pass out on the couch and take it easy.
Next steps: in one week, I do a blood test to check my luteal phase progesterone levels. Around that same time, I can do a HPT to see whether the hCG trigger shot has cleared out of my system. One week after that (December 4) I should be able to take another HPT to actually see whether I'm pregnant. Until then, lots of deep breaths....
S. did his part this morning, we waited in the coffeeshop while they spun and washed his "deliverable," then did the procedure. Dr. M. had to use the large speculum in order to see my cervix, and then kept pushing it as far as he could, which was uncomfortable, but just like a bad pap smear. Inserting the catheter though my cervix, which is the part I was nervous about, didn't actually hurt at all (couldn't even feel it). We hung out with my hips elevated for 15 minutes, then came home to pass out on the couch and take it easy.
Next steps: in one week, I do a blood test to check my luteal phase progesterone levels. Around that same time, I can do a HPT to see whether the hCG trigger shot has cleared out of my system. One week after that (December 4) I should be able to take another HPT to actually see whether I'm pregnant. Until then, lots of deep breaths....
Monday, November 19, 2007
Trigger!
At my follicle scan today, I definitely had one mature follicle (19mm) on the right ovary. We're not really sure what happened to the other two slightly smaller ones that we saw on Thursday. They could have just been hiding -- the ultrasound today was really painful again, particularly on the left side, like in the first cycle, so once Dr. M. confirmed the presence of the one mature follicle, he took an approach of "good enough to work with!" and stopped looking as hard for more. So, definitely one follicle, possibly two more. Got an hCG trigger shot at 3:45 this afternoon, and we're doing an IUI tomorrow morning at 10am. I'm thrilled to have made it to the point where we can even do this. Now, keeping fingers crossed that it actually works.
Also in the equation: my OPK this morning was positive, so I might be ovulating on my own anyway. I'm a little worried that I'll have already ovulated before the IUI (or even, that I already ovulated those other two missing follicles before the scan today) but hopefully the timing is still correct.
After dodging increasingly persistent calls from my brother, M., I finally talked to him again. (Started to feel guilty ignoring him....) They couldn't wait anymore, and told the immediate family about A.'s pregnancy. I listened to him explain everyone's excitement, and complain about A.'s morning sickness, before making up excuses to get off the phone again. Hopefully I've put in enough time to avoid him for a few more weeks, by which time, with any luck, I'll have news of my own....
Also in the equation: my OPK this morning was positive, so I might be ovulating on my own anyway. I'm a little worried that I'll have already ovulated before the IUI (or even, that I already ovulated those other two missing follicles before the scan today) but hopefully the timing is still correct.
After dodging increasingly persistent calls from my brother, M., I finally talked to him again. (Started to feel guilty ignoring him....) They couldn't wait anymore, and told the immediate family about A.'s pregnancy. I listened to him explain everyone's excitement, and complain about A.'s morning sickness, before making up excuses to get off the phone again. Hopefully I've put in enough time to avoid him for a few more weeks, by which time, with any luck, I'll have news of my own....
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Follicle Scan
Today was my Day 13 ultrasound. When I arrived for the appointment, I found out that Dr. M. was delayed in surgery, and they had moved my appointment to later in the day, but I wasn't home when they called to tell me. So, S. and I went out for a leisurely brunch (leisurely, but tense, because I was so nervous, and increasingly uncomfortable), hung out at home, then returned to the office.
As for the scan: my uterine lining is 10mm (ideal is between 8-12mm, so this is perfect) and shows the desired "striped" pattern. My right ovary has 2 growing follicles, one measuring 11mm and the other slightly smaller (maybe 10mm?). My left ovary has 1 follicle, which wasn't measured but it looked about the same size as the smaller one on the right, so probably 10mm also. The follicles are supposed to be closer to 16-18mm or more before they do a trigger shot, and they grow 1-2mm per day, so we scheduled another follicle scan for Monday. That's 4 days from now, so they should each grow 4-8mm more. The hope is that on Monday, I'll have 3 follicles measuring in the 14-19mm range (the bigger, the better). If they indeed grew by then, we'll do the trigger shot at that appointment, and then the IUI on Tuesday.
I asked about doing OPK testing at home, and Dr. M. said that he doesn't care. If I want to know, I can monitor myself, but it won't affect his treatment. That's a little odd to me, because if I were to ovulate on my own before Monday's appointment, I would need to know that so that S. and I can take advantage of it on our own. So, I'm going to keep up the testing.
That's the plan for the next several days. I'm definitely feeling that "pelvic fullness" now, and apparently I want it to intensify over the next few days, so I'm seeing some sweat pants in my future....
As for the scan: my uterine lining is 10mm (ideal is between 8-12mm, so this is perfect) and shows the desired "striped" pattern. My right ovary has 2 growing follicles, one measuring 11mm and the other slightly smaller (maybe 10mm?). My left ovary has 1 follicle, which wasn't measured but it looked about the same size as the smaller one on the right, so probably 10mm also. The follicles are supposed to be closer to 16-18mm or more before they do a trigger shot, and they grow 1-2mm per day, so we scheduled another follicle scan for Monday. That's 4 days from now, so they should each grow 4-8mm more. The hope is that on Monday, I'll have 3 follicles measuring in the 14-19mm range (the bigger, the better). If they indeed grew by then, we'll do the trigger shot at that appointment, and then the IUI on Tuesday.
I asked about doing OPK testing at home, and Dr. M. said that he doesn't care. If I want to know, I can monitor myself, but it won't affect his treatment. That's a little odd to me, because if I were to ovulate on my own before Monday's appointment, I would need to know that so that S. and I can take advantage of it on our own. So, I'm going to keep up the testing.
That's the plan for the next several days. I'm definitely feeling that "pelvic fullness" now, and apparently I want it to intensify over the next few days, so I'm seeing some sweat pants in my future....
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Canceled
My Day 13 ultrasound was today. My blood tests all came back normal, S.'s semen analysis is great, my HSG was normal, and according to the ultrasound, even my uterine lining looked great. But my ovaries apparently decided to take the month off. The right ovary had a few tiny follicles, but not as far along as they were supposed to be. The left ovary, the side that has been causing me pain for the last several days, was MIA. Dr. M. had to poke around ... a lot ... in order to even find the left ovary, by which time I was in enough pain that I wasn't even watching the screen anymore because I was too busy trying to breathe and not scream. But, I'm told that once it decided to show itself, it also showed that it had no follicles.
So, the cycle is canceled. Apparently, 50mg of Clomid is not the right dosage to get my body to respond -- I need a much stronger kick. Thus, this evening I started another 10 day regimen of progesterone to reset my cycle again, to be followed on Cycle Days 3-7 of 100mg of Clomid. On Day 13, we'll try again, and see if I can summon the follicles to even attempt an IUI.
Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks. The weird thing is that my ovulation test this afternoon appeared positive, which means ... I don't know what. That I'm ovulating immature eggs? That the test was wrong? That I read the test wrong? At least, barring a bizarre reaction to the progesterone this time around, I'll have either ovulated or canceled again by the time we leave for Thanksgiving. We won't know anything else by then, which will suck (and make the family event, complete with newborn baby, that much harder), but we won't be missing out on a cycle, either. In the mean time, progesterone nausea, dizziness, and addled brain for 10 days. Again. Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.
So, the cycle is canceled. Apparently, 50mg of Clomid is not the right dosage to get my body to respond -- I need a much stronger kick. Thus, this evening I started another 10 day regimen of progesterone to reset my cycle again, to be followed on Cycle Days 3-7 of 100mg of Clomid. On Day 13, we'll try again, and see if I can summon the follicles to even attempt an IUI.
Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks. The weird thing is that my ovulation test this afternoon appeared positive, which means ... I don't know what. That I'm ovulating immature eggs? That the test was wrong? That I read the test wrong? At least, barring a bizarre reaction to the progesterone this time around, I'll have either ovulated or canceled again by the time we leave for Thanksgiving. We won't know anything else by then, which will suck (and make the family event, complete with newborn baby, that much harder), but we won't be missing out on a cycle, either. In the mean time, progesterone nausea, dizziness, and addled brain for 10 days. Again. Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
HSG
Well, today sucked.
Today is Cycle Day 6, which makes it the fourth day of taking Clomid. The Clomid actually hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. I had night sweats the first night, and I've had some relatively mild hot flashes (they're mildly annoying to me, but seem to be freaking out S.). A few headaches, but not as bad as my usual migraines, so definitely manageable (even without any Advil, which I'm trying to avoid). Mainly, it's the uncontrollable crying that's been the most noteworthy. Constantly. For no reason at all, much of the time. But, as far as the Clomid so far, nothing I can't handle.
The HSG, on the other hand... wow. It started off bad because they wouldn't let S. come in with me. He's on crutches because of his surgery, and he couldn't really stand next to me for 45 minutes during the procedure, and the nurse refused to let him bring a chair into the room, even though there was lots of empty space, so he had to wait outside. Inserting the speculum was more uncomfortable than a normal pap exam, but not by much. Prying open the cervix, however, .... holy crap that hurt. Even worse was inserting the catheter. I felt hot pain, and then it would go deeper, and then deeper, and every time I thought he must be done inserting it, the pain would intensify and spread even further. The x-ray itself was fast, and thankfully, it seemed to show that my uterus is fine and both my tubes are open, though we'll get the final results next week.
I've had horrible cramps ever since, and a TON of bleeding (worse than a normal period day for me). If I sit very still on the couch, the cramps subside some, but standing, moving, or lifting heavy objects (like S.'s freaking therapy machines) sends horrible pain through my lower abdomen. To top it off, Dr. M. prescribed 5 days of Erythromycin to ward off infections after the HSG, which always makes me nauseous. So even though I was looking forward to ending the Clomid tomorrow and having a few symptom-free days before ovulation, it's not to be. I spent the entire afternoon at home crying.
Today is Cycle Day 6, which makes it the fourth day of taking Clomid. The Clomid actually hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. I had night sweats the first night, and I've had some relatively mild hot flashes (they're mildly annoying to me, but seem to be freaking out S.). A few headaches, but not as bad as my usual migraines, so definitely manageable (even without any Advil, which I'm trying to avoid). Mainly, it's the uncontrollable crying that's been the most noteworthy. Constantly. For no reason at all, much of the time. But, as far as the Clomid so far, nothing I can't handle.
The HSG, on the other hand... wow. It started off bad because they wouldn't let S. come in with me. He's on crutches because of his surgery, and he couldn't really stand next to me for 45 minutes during the procedure, and the nurse refused to let him bring a chair into the room, even though there was lots of empty space, so he had to wait outside. Inserting the speculum was more uncomfortable than a normal pap exam, but not by much. Prying open the cervix, however, .... holy crap that hurt. Even worse was inserting the catheter. I felt hot pain, and then it would go deeper, and then deeper, and every time I thought he must be done inserting it, the pain would intensify and spread even further. The x-ray itself was fast, and thankfully, it seemed to show that my uterus is fine and both my tubes are open, though we'll get the final results next week.
I've had horrible cramps ever since, and a TON of bleeding (worse than a normal period day for me). If I sit very still on the couch, the cramps subside some, but standing, moving, or lifting heavy objects (like S.'s freaking therapy machines) sends horrible pain through my lower abdomen. To top it off, Dr. M. prescribed 5 days of Erythromycin to ward off infections after the HSG, which always makes me nauseous. So even though I was looking forward to ending the Clomid tomorrow and having a few symptom-free days before ovulation, it's not to be. I spent the entire afternoon at home crying.
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