Things I Didn't Know about Being Pregnant

I didn't know that, eventually, you feel kicks a lot of the time. I thought that feeling kicks was like a once-a-day thing, if that. On TV, they always show a women exclaim and touch her belly, and everyone comes over to feel it, like it was something unusual. I didn't realize that I would feel little kicks constantly. I like it; it's comforting. (But, maybe ask me again once the kicks get hard enough to bruise.)

I didn't know that the exhaustion would be so constant. I always assumed pregnant women were tired just from carrying around extra weight, but I haven't really gained much weight yet, so that's not really the cause. It's more the hormones and the lack of sleep and the constant daydreaming interspersed with intense stress that I'm not getting enough things done. The exhaustion is much deeper than just from physical exertion.

I didn't realize that there were so many physical changes, at the same time. This one is odd, because as I tick off the various changes (thicker hair, faster-growing nails, appetite changes, swollen feet and ankles, etc., etc., etc.) it occurs to me that, individually, I knew that these were all side effects of pregnancy. But I never really contemplated them all at the same time, in total. And I certainly didn't think about how they interact with each other. Longer nails sound cool, and itchy skin sounds extremely manageable, but when you put them together, I find myself accidentally gouging myself with my ridiculous nails when I absentmindedly scratch. Awkward physical movements sound amusing on their own, and swollen ankles and feet sound mildly annoying, but when you put them together, you realize that you when you can't bend in half to easily to massage those ankles, they hurt a lot more.

I didn't realize how often other people would want to ask me about the baby. I used to watch other pregnant women who were constantly talking about their pregnancies, and I'd think, that's not going to be me. But a lot of it is out of my control, because it seems to be the only thing that other people want to talk about. It's nice that people care, but holy cow, I am willing to talk about other things! That may make some of you laugh, because I know that this blog is entirely on-topic, but that was kind of its purpose. Believe me, in real life, I'd much rather be spending my time discussing my research, or the Red Sox, or the unending Democratic primary, or the ridiculously stupid "gas tax holiday," or how much I can't wait to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Because truly, once I've said, "Yes, feeling kicks. It's a boy! I'm tired but feeling pretty good. Due in September. Yep, we're excited. Nope, haven't bought stuff for the nursery yet" I'm kind of out of things to say, at least to most people. My advisor doesn't need to know the kind of pregnancy details that I write here. In fact, a lot of the purpose of this blog is so that I can get that stuff off my chest without inflicting it on inappropriate audiences. (One of my fellow students asked me yesterday when babies start swallowing and peeing, and when I said that the baby was doing both those things already, in the amniotic fluid, right now, it grossed everybody out. Probably didn't need to be discussing those details with that particular crowd.)

Perhaps the biggest thing that I didn't realize about being pregnant is also the biggest surprise to me, particularly given my reluctance to discuss the pregnancy out loud. I didn't realize that I would be constantly aware that I'm pregnant. I though that while I was at work, for instance, I could focus on work and basically ignore the fact that I'm pregnant. I thought that I could finish everything I wanted to do around the house (shopping for supplies, setting up a nursery) over a few short weeks, and then spend my weekends much as I used to. It didn't occur to me that I would be constantly reminded of the pregnancy. At work, I'm daydreaming about the baby, and the nursery, and making checklists and plans. On weekeneds, I want to be working on getting the house ready, and doing endless research into what we need to buy. Every time I'm hungry, I run through lists of what I can or should be eating, given my "delicate condition." Even when I'm sitting quietly somewhere, working or reading or watching TV, those little kicks (and the annoyingly swollen ankles) keep the pregnancy in the front of my mind.

Just to be clear: I think that the all-consuming nature of it is more good than bad. Thinking about the pregnancy and little Barack makes me extremely happy, even when the thing that made me think about it was my swollen ankles or my need to pass on the sushi. I just never realized, two years ago, or even 6 months ago, that this is what pregnancy would be like for me.