Carrot

21 weeks. Approaching the end of Month 5. It's suddenly occurring to me that we do not have an infinite amount of time to get things ready for the baby. The nursery is still not cleared of junk. Other than a small subset of big items (mainly nursery furniture) we have made zero decisions about what we will need to buy or register for. Stacks of pregnancy, labor, and baby care books are piled around our house, but the majority remain unopened. (The ones from the library I've renewed twice already, without reading them.) S and I have still not seriously discussed a single name. I'm starting to think that Barack's little kicks aren't so much friendly "hellos" as much as they are annoyed reminders: "Mom! Start getting things ready for me already!!"

I went into a bit of a frenzy last night. I made lists of what we need to do, assigning due dates so that everything will be done in time. I measured the nursery, looked up furniture dimensions of the things we're thinking of using/buying, and then made a scale map of the room and furniture so that I could play around with different places to put things ("If the crib is along this wall, then the glider has to go over here..."). S laughed and said that I was nesting, but I don't think so. If I was nesting, things would actually be getting done. But nothing "real" is actually being accomplished. I'm meta-nesting. I'm in a frenzied state of getting ready to nest. I feel so post-modern.