Lime

Today I am 12w0d, which means that I have finished my first trimester (by most books... apparently some people count the first trimester to 13 weeks, which is what I had always assumed, but I figured I might as well give myself credit for finishing something). Last night, I walked around the house saying things like, "Good news! In 1 hour 36 minutes, my first trimester will be over, so in 1 hour 37 minutes, this pesky morning sickness should clear right up!" I also held a lime from our tree up to my lower abdomen and told S. to say hello to his unborn child. I'm lucky that he's still willing to put up with my weirdness after all these years.

I'm beginning to notice that it's not just the appearance, taste, and smells of food that are bothering me lately. It's also texture. I tried to eat a muffin this morning, and it just felt ... wrong ... in my mouth. The list of foods that I'm willing to eat shrinks again.

An announcement (not ours)

Yesterday, our good friends C. and S. announced that they are pregnant with their first, due (wait for it...) September 8, one day before us. They announced in front of a group of our friends, so we waited until we were alone with them, then privately told them about our similar (though not yet public) news. We had a hunch that they were pregnant, too, and guessed that they were due sometime before us, but never would have expected the due dates to be so close. I got my first positive HPT on Dec. 30, and we then spent New Year's Eve with C. and S. Not only did C. reach for the sparkling cider (which we had brought) instead of the champagne, but as midnight approached, she looked exactly as exhausted as I felt.

Talking with C. later in the day yesterday, it was remarkable how similar our pregnancy experiences have been so far. Constant nausea morphed into afternoon/evening-only nausea a few weeks ago. A 2-day panic from suddenly feeling "too good." Problems finding things to wear to work that look appropriate for professional life but without giving away the news quite yet. A sister-in-law who is also pregnant and due several weeks before her. And, though we have different doctors, they are both members of the same medical group, and we plan to deliver at the same hospital, so hopefully we'll be able to take all of the necessary labor and parenting classes together. Woo hoo!

As S. and I were doing chores around the house yesterday, we kept grinning at each other and commenting how excited we are at the prospect of having friends nearby to chat with about everything. All good.

Nothing new

I have absolutely nothing to report. My complete lack of appetite continues. My disgust with most normally edible food continues, except sadly, it no longer applies to deserts (a rather dangerous situation...). Also, I apologize for the cliche, but I've been eating a lot of pickles. The food that has been disgusting me the most since week 7 (chicken) has now been joined by beef (it's been tasting really gross for the past several days) which leaves me with very few options for actually getting some protein into my system. I'm hoping this will all go away in another week or two, so I'm not too concerned about it yet, but at some point, I'll need to face this one.

The nausea continues every afternoon, and by the time I want to go to bed, I usually feel too sick to comfortably lie down, so falling asleep sucks. Eating a small snack before bed no longer helps at all. Also, I've been getting bad headaches again, and not being able to take any pain killers really sucks, but these might be caused by the weather more than the pregnancy, so there's some hope that they will go away.

That's about it. NT scan is a week from Monday. My birthday is the day after that. We fly to visit my family two days after that. And then we can hopefully start announcing to the world that we're pregnant.

Fig

Hallelujah, everything is fine. We had our 11 week appointment this morning, and everything is proceeding exactly as it's supposed to be. We are "right on the cusp" of when people start to be able to hear a heartbeat through Doppler, but after trying for 30 seconds or so, Dr. M. just pulled out the ultrasound machine instead. Over ultrasound, we not only verified that the heartbeat is just fine (thank goodness) but we were also treated to images of the baby swimming around. We saw a great straight-on view of the baby looking back at us, kicking its little legs around, as well as a beautiful profile view where we could make out arms (in a "boxer" pose), moving legs and torso, and full facial profile that even I could recognize. (No Rorschach Test skills needed.) Crown-to-rump measurement came in at 11w1d, +/-4d, so we are perfectly on schedule.

As for me, I've gained exactly 0 pounds, and my blood pressure is exactly what it was a month ago, smack dab in the middle of the normal range. I've never felt so average in my entire life.

The upcoming medical milestones include a nuchal translucency scan in about 2 weeks (I need to call to schedule that...) and a normal prenatal visit at 15 weeks. Other "milestones" between now and then: a trip to visit my family, which will allow us to tell my parents about the pregnancy in person, and my birthday (31) which moves me from being "thirty" to being "in my thirties" (I'm told that some of my friends stressed about that particular transition, though I think that I stressed enough last year about turning 30 that I'm all out of age stress, at least until 40).

I told Dr. M. about my brief panic a few weeks ago when I started feeling "too good," and he said that was totally normal. He informed me that, from here on out, if I felt good, it was normal, and if I felt crappy, that was normal, too. No worries either way. Which sounds good to me.

All clear, genetically

The results of S's blood test are in, and he is not a carrier for the genetic mutation that I carry, so we have been cleared of worries on the genetic front. With that hurdle behind us, we can focus on the next goal: hearing a heartbeat through Doppler at Tuesday's appointment. Given the return of my nausea this week, though, I'm less concerned than I was a week ago that something has gone wrong. It's nice to feel hopeful again.

My job between now and Tuesday: to stay busy. I have several work-related tasks that I'd like to finish, and even more house-related tasks to get through. (Wow this place turns into a pigsty awfully fast when I'm too sick to clean!) We have no big plans for this weekend, other than bringing some big loads of stuff to the recycling center and to Good Will. Once we start to accumulate baby stuff, I'd like to (at worst) keep the house junk-neutral. Actually, I have a dream where we get rid of so much crap over the next few months that, even with the addition of baby gear, there ultimately is less stuff in the house in October than there is now, but that's probably just a fantasy.

Kumquat

Warranted or not, I have officially decided to assume that everything is fine. On a daily basis, I continue to go through very, very brief periods of time (typically about an hour, mid-morning) when I am ravenously hungry, followed by absolutely no desire to eat anything the rest of the day, culminating in nausea, heartburn, bloating, and occasional cramps by evening. And every day, around 3-4pm or so, I completely crash and need to lay down for a while. Other than the fact that the nausea is much more mild and short-lived than it was in weeks 6-9, this all sounds incredibly normal.

I am 10w0d today (double digits! woo hoo!) and my next appointment is in one week. The drama and worry of the past week made time pass very, very slowly, but I'm hopeful that this week will go more quickly, and then we can finally get some official medical reassurance that everything is okay.

I am also getting more and more anxious to start telling people about the pregnancy. Yesterday, my father again started pressuring me to have children, and I had to deflect him with jokes (Stephen Jay Gould's theory of regression to the mean, and how it implies that there's a good chance our kids will be dumber than us; my dad did not find it amusing, even though it is one of S's favorite abuse-of-math-and-science arguments). I'm also suddenly getting a lot of long-term planning things coming up at work, and I don't know how to properly respond without either taking on tasks that I know I won't be able to finish because of maternity leave, and also not uncharacteristically making excuses that will cause people to start assuming things. Actually, most of my coworkers are more likely to think that I'm planning to quit than to think that I'm pregnant, but I don't really want them assuming that, either.

Freaking out a little less

I think that it's possible that I'm still pregnant, though I'm not 100% convinced. (S. is using his "father's intuition" to try to ease my fears, but I'm not sure that I completely believe him.) After feeling physically great all day Thursday and most of Friday, I felt sick again by Friday night. Not sick like I had been, but a bit sick nonetheless. I wasn't nauseous, but I did feel sick to my stomach, more like my digestive system was out of whack. And I had a killer migraine, the first one since becoming pregnant. My breasts still felt remarkably non-sensitive, but my over-sensitive sense of smell had returned. (It came back in the middle of dinner at a restaurant, with the disgusting smell of salmon and onions wafting to me from ... somewhere.)

Saturday repeated much like Friday. I felt fine all morning and afternoon, only to feel headache-y and stomachache-y by evening, soon followed by the worst bloating and heartburn that I've ever had (despite barely eating all day). Today is another repeat so far. I woke up feeling fine, though I have almost no appetite. And thankfully, there has still been no bleeding, so maybe it really is just that the worst of the morning sickness subsided ahead of schedule and I'm actually just incredibly lucky.

When I started feeling sick again Friday night, S. looked honestly relieved and said, "I'm so glad!" which earned him a glare from me. I'm now in the less than desirable position of guaranteeing that I won't be happy at all until my next appointment in 9 days. If I'm feeling sick, the pregnancy is probably fine, but I'm miserable because, well, I feel sick. And if I'm not feeling sick, I'm convinced that something is wrong, which also makes me miserable. Hence the guarantee.

S. and I have been repeating this conversation over and over for the past 2 days:

me: "I feel so sick and crappy."
S: "I'm so sorry."
me: "No you're not. Liar."

Poor guy. It turns out that there is no response to "I feel so sick and crappy" that doesn't get him glared at.

Today is 9w5d. Next appointment is at 11 weeks even.

Freaking out a little

I felt horrible all day yesterday. Constant nausea, upset stomach, headache, and on-and-off sharp twinges and cramps in my abdomen. (Being in meetings for 12 hours straight didn't help.) When I finally got home, I pretty much just curled up in a little ball on the couch and moaned pathetically until going to bed. When I woke up this morning... there was nothing. And I do mean nothing. No nausea. No illness of any kind. No sore, tender breasts.

So, now I'm freaking out a bit. Why are my symptoms suddenly gone? (And yes, it's pretty perverse to be freaked out because I feel too GOOD.) If it were 3-4 weeks from now, I could breezily say that I had passed my first trimester. Or, if I'd never had morning sickness, I could say that this is just how I feel when pregnant. But I've never heard of anyone having first trimester symptoms only until week 9, without it meaning something really, really bad. I thought about calling my doctor's office, but what exactly would I say? How stupid would I feel calling to complain that I'm not nauseous?

I decided to wait until tomorrow and see what happens. But it's afternoon now, and I'm still not feeling the need to throw up. Other than a bit of a headache, I feel fine. No bleeding, either, which I guess is a little reassuring, but still... what the heck?

I passed!

Results from the various blood tests are in, and I passed (almost) everything. Blood counts, etc., etc. all look good, no problems. I'm not excreting protein, I'm not anemic, I don't have TB, I'm immune to German measles... everything you could hope for in a first trimester blood panel.

Most relieving to me, I don't have gestational diabetes, which was my biggest concern. I have a solid family history of Type 2 diabetes (eg, my brother was diagnosed with it at the ripe old age of 30) to the point that, several years ago, my father started asking me "Do you have it yet?" as if it's inevitable that eventually I will. (My protest that, unlike my brother and my father, I have never had a 5-donut breakfast habit doesn't seem to phase him.) Yet somehow, I (rather stupidly, I would guess) have never even been tested for it. Thus, I approached the glucose screening not just as a test to see whether I might have gestational diabetes, but also whether I actually also might have pre-existing undiagnosed Type 2. Thankfully, my sugar levels were nice and low and normal, not even in the borderline range. It doesn't rule out developing gestational diabetes later in my pregnancy (I have a hunch they'll want to test me again next trimester, since my family history still puts me at high risk) but it does basically rule out a pre-existing condition. It also means that I don't have to regulate the saltine crackers that are my anti-nausea mainstay. So things are good.

The only flaw in my otherwise brilliant blood test performance: my genetic carrier screening shows that I actually am a carrier for one of the Ashkenazi genetic concerns. Who knew? The odds are still heavily in our favor that this won't matter at all, since S. is in the lowest possible risk group for this one, but he'll be doing a blood test this week just to be sure.

Grape

We're up to the grape stage. Which is funny, because grapes were about the only thing I was able to eat yesterday without feeling sick. It turns out that all food is disgusting. I never knew that before. Yet somehow, somewhere in the 8 week or so range, anything remotely edible stopped being appealing to me. It's not that everything makes me sick. On the contrary, if I plug my nose, close my eyes and just eat, I usually feel better afterwards. But looking at food, smelling food, even thinking about food... ew.

I'm at 9w0d now. Still no puking, but A. said that she didn't start puking until week 10, so I'm not out of the woods yet. Also, I'm more and more thinking that I was being totally naive in thinking that all of the nausea would magically disappear right at 13 weeks. Still, I'm really hoping that it really will be just 4 more weeks of this first trimester nuttiness. After several months of Clomid-induced fog, followed by 2 months of morning sickness, I'm looking forward to returning to my normal productive life, at least for a little while.

In other news... the Giants? Seriously? How did that happen?